Poems

*Walking In The Door*

So festive, the serpents lust engulfs a room of adolescence.
Fitting its theme, takes shape our actions within this Ball...
this Masquerade "Party" where the first of its intentions
has bullied the meaning of party right off the deep end.
The essence beholding our persons continues to inhale the blaze
for which it sinks, as a Faceless charade tiptoes the flame.
Every face masked by Plastic lies and porcelain smiles.
But Isn't This Beautiful!? Everything Sound In The Land Of Same
And Pure! f*ck YOU! f*ck EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!
A rage so painful, fierce, that the devil himself licks at my lips
and spits in the face of every Common Individual in the room
only to have a droplet of hate splashed back in his face...
As the gate keeper to self Masks these emotions with pleasantries.

*Making My Way Around The Room*

Led steps worn around my neck grace the dance floor.
Sounds of Giggling Mutes beat the drums of Deaf Conductors
as every hand meets its equal upon its metaphysical opposition.
I meet my match amung the room... Truthfully its felt so False
yet his blank face left me assured of neither pleasure nor pain.
This uncertainty leaving the Beast that is confusing to tend,
tend to is tender target upon Anxiety's pressure point
gnashing at a fragile strand of sanity daring its very unraveling.
As my heart Races to fend off this Bare wits assault
my eyes Dart every which way every time the fall of
my partners opaque cue's snap the rack for which im with held.
Quickly from billiards to marbles as upon my stare they're lost.
And then I see it, an innocence peaking through the fogs.
As I check his eyes and his everything is now mine for the taking.

And then it's lost.

The every word of this man lay deep in his pupil
but with the flirtatious shutter he erased a past.

*I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!*

I've Wondered Enough! I Deserve Her Reality Into Mine!
Nearly Salivating For The Common Curtesy Of Trust...
TRUST ME YOU STUPID WHORE! TRUST ME!!!
I Need To Know Him, I Need To Live Through Him Lines.
Dance Along A Crows Foot To Taste All The Tears Seen.
Run The Miles Of Cheek To Kiss The Thought Of Its Smiles
Or Wallow In The Tides That's The Crows Have Pissed.

With A Cold Hand I Reach And Tare At Her Mask!

slowing, as a gentle glow illuminated from under the slate.
slowly now, feeling as though it could only be beauty...
sifting in a moment of trust before the mask finally caves.

In Horror I Go To Withdraw But Am Already Falling.
The Mask Simply Slips Through A Gash And My Hands Fallows
It Through The Other Side Of This MONSTERS HEAD!
As Soon As Possible I Recoil My Hand As She Stares At Me,
Or So I Think, All That Is To Me Is The Blankness Of Nothing
As The Music Screeches To A Stop...
As The Music Screeches To A Stop...
As If The Notes Themselves Had Withdrawn In Horror.
And Then I Notice... The Blank Stares Of Everyone,
I Felt The Whisper Of A Hundred Persecutions Born
As Everyone Removed There Mask,
Only To Reveal The Same Hideous Self That Was My Partner.

Somehow I Stand Now The Outcast,
The Crimson Grinned Idiot Who Somehow Had Lost HIS Mind!
SOMEHOW IM f*ckING INSANE! IM LOSING IT!!! NO f*ck YOU!

As I Blink My Eyes And A Nightmare Is Erased From Me.

I Stood There, Corrected Of My Delusion...

Yet, still standing the phantom drifting amung faceless peers

Never been in love
Because a girl like me didn’t know how to show affection
That’s all the truth
But now I’ve found you
And now I’m all in love
Because it was my time to be blessed with something special
Now that you’re here
No more hiding, no cried tears
We’ve been such great friends
I’m with you until the end
But my heart rarely speaks
It’s your name that makes me weak
Never felt this way
Where as soon as I wake up, I see your face
And I can’t complain
Because you’re what keeps me sane
Alright this feeling needs to stay
You’re all that I can hear at night in my head
I’m lying on my bed
Without you I’d be dead
Now I’m in so deep
You hush me so I can’t speak
I melt at every breath
That I take from my chest
I hope that I’m not wrong
Because you’re where I belong
Someone meaningful just for me
No voice could overcome all that I stand for
Because every word I mean
Just “I love you” doesn’t seem
To fill up all the depths
That my life often journeys to
When we talk
And I’ll love you forever more
You’re what makes me smile
And I thank you for all that you have given to me
Please come here right now
And I’ll give you all of me
Yes we’ll be happy
And Baby can’t you see
That I am more than free
Tonight I’ll tell you how I yearn to be with you
You’ll make me smile and you’ll make me wild just like you always do
I’ve never been so scared
Of losing you somewhere
I just can’t let you go
None of my dreams ever came true
Until the day that I met you
You are everything I’ve known
So why would I let you go

I’ve never been so scared
Of losing what I’ve held on to for so long
Why can’t this fear in me
Take off like the wind and fly so naturally
But maybe I need it
So my love for you can keep strong and living
You’re all I need
But I sometimes got too deep
I gave too much to you
And now I can see
That I’ve got everything to lose
You’ve got this force that sways me
I settle on the left and wander to the right
And you’re always the one that guides me
I opened up my heart to you
And gave you all my trust
I’ve risked more than you’ll ever know
Because I know this isn’t lust
You’re what lights me up and you’re what puts me down
You were born to make me happy;
Erase my rugged frown
The road for me was narrow
And I admit how scared I was
Of getting hit with my own stones
Nothing ever seemed to be enough
But I know
Now I know
You’re what makes me strong enough to save me from myself
You’re what makes me weak enough to run and hide my fears
But then you always lift me up, and you make sure I’m alright
And you
You give me the faith to see
That I sleep through the night
You’re the greatest thing
The most special and treasured aspect of my life
I know there are others that would risk to die for me
And I would die for them
And maybe you don’t feel the same way that I do
But really…I would die for you.

Countless memories without their faces
Were they meant to be remembered?
I can’t say, I mustn’t say, I miss them
They tend to make me hurt more
Dwell on intensely harsh pain
What they do to me, speak to me
“Need you more.” “Want you more.”
The sun never shines bright enough
Fruitless in giving me the well-needed warmth
I’d only imagined you to do such a thing
But will it ever be
That sweet dream
Our tender kiss
The never-ending passionate love
Is it just a taunting dream’s memory?
Does it want that I ache?
Will time ever pass by fast enough?
Where you and I will bathe and glitter in fate
Love is such a word in the so determined romance
I love you
Love being that I can’t live a day without you
Can’t take a step forward if you hurt
Can’t ever be willing to face any cruel fact about you
Baby, I Love you
Promise me you love me too
I know you do.

Where am I now
And where am I standing
I’ve never been so alive
The world just keeps spinning
But I really don’t mind
As long as you’re here in my life
Where are you now
And where are you standing
Do you think about me as you breathe
You already know that you’re what makes me happy
I exhale and I feel relieved
Eyes to tell a story, about a young girl
That found love and now is in peace
Lips to keep talking about how she feels
A great friend to put her at ease
He knows who he is, and he knows what he’s done
The smile you see is from him
He took away drama, he took away tears
I can’t believe how far I’ve come
I ran, I hid, used a guise I called me
But that’s in the past
Now I have changed
He took my heart and set it free
Nothing could be better than the friendship we share
Although sometimes I feel this strong need
Somehow I want you, to be by my side
But not as a friend, but a partner for life
I know this sounds awkward, but it’s always there
You make me feel so good inside
I will keep praying, for that one day and time
We come face to face by fate
You’ll be my savior
You’ll make me smile
A long time is never too late

You know that I run to you
Even if it’s you that gave my eyes way to cry
And you know that I love you more than life
You are the stars and, you are the sun in my sky

You were the first in my life
Who ever made me feel this way
In every single letter and in every single word
A message will be there for you
One that’s to be heard
A lullaby comes when I close my eyes
I vision you in clouds way up high
I do, I do look up to you
They used to let me get away with so much
Now I can’t even get away
This may be a dream
So if it is, never wake me from my high
A beautiful smile to blur the pain
You’re my hero
I always lived in my own shadow
I watched the sun shine down on me
How cold it was to see me shining
When I ached of misery
I followed my dreams yet never touched them
I kissed some goodbye and watched them flee
Then you came along and raised me higher
You placed my shadow into me
You gave me foreshadows of my future
Without you I don’t know where I would be
You’re everything I want for me

You taught me how to live like it’s the very last moment in time
And now I’ll never be alone because I have you in my life
You’re my true believer
The one I want inside me

Underneath all my skin, I keep you close and tight
Sometimes when you’re deep inside
You blind yourself from seeing what you could lose
You’re the fire burning inside of me
Encouraging me not to hide
I’ve whispered my soul into yours
And hear it in the night
I dream of you and feel so warm
As I hold my covers tight
My head stays on my pillow, knowing that I don’t have to fright
All your secrets are safe with me
I promise you that, no lie
Into you I’ll breathe me love
And mark you as mine for life
A better friend could never exist after all that you’ve given me
Hold me tight and let me be
Don’t ever let me free.

Thinking of your name
Your face is everywhere
I’m reaching out for you
But you’re not even there
I wake up every night
To a dream that always ends
It’s like I always fight
But I lose instead of win
I cannot keep like this
When you are all I need
I will not let go
Because I’m always wondering
Where are you now?
Are you happy with what you’ve found?
Do you think of me
When I am not around?
You’ve got to let me know
So I can let this go
I can hear your voice
See your picture in my head
As I’m lying here
I think of where you’ve been
You feel so close to me
But we’re so far in distance
I should let it out
But I’m too afraid to see
That we’ll never make our own history
And I won’t go on
Because I know you love me
I tend to slip away
To a place and time that’s fake
I lose my breath and think of all the love we’d make
But I know we cannot be
You’ve got someone else but me
So I’ll keep around you
And be the best friend that you need
I just keep wondering
Where are you now?
Are you happy with what you’ve found?
Do you think of me
When I am not around?
You’ve got to let me know
So I can let you go
I don’t want to be told this is not love
Because I feel it everyday
You give me strength
You make me whole
And I don’t know just what I would do
With a life deprived of you
I think that you are in to me
You know I want you desperately
I now see that we are destiny
But I want you to know all my truth
How I’ve fallen so in love with you
You are my best friend and will always be
But I can’t help the way I feel today
I take each breath anticipating fate
What you’ve given me is more than real
I love you, there is no appeal
You complete me in ways you’ll never know
So then, how do I let this go?
In my dreams we walk together
We talk and then we lose the day
I look into you eyes
And you steal my breath away
And as we keep on walking
My hand slips and becomes free
I put it out and close my eyes
To see if you did wait there for me
And then we’re side by side
The moon serenades the ocean
Now we’re at our high tide
It’s still a mystery
How you found something good in me
I never knew it was there
You made it seem so easy
You wrapped your love all around me
And now I’ll never be the same
Please don’t hate me
For feeling how I feel
But this is really the first love I’ve known that’s real
You make me happy;
Turn dark clouds in to bright stars
You walk in front of me
But I never am too far
When you hurt, I ache
When you cry, I feel I’m too blame
Because I’ll love you more than anyone else
All I wish to do is make you happy
I’ll always be here
I wouldn’t ever leave
Please forgive me
If I’ve crossed risky lines
Just know you’re my best friend
And you will be for all times
Where are you now?
Are you happy with what you’ve found?
Baby, do you think of me
When I’m not around
Please, you’ve got to let me know
So I can let this… go.

Be subtle
Sh…
Don’t make a sound
Can you hear that?
It’s the beating
My heart
Your heart
Our heart
Come closer and feel the pumping
It grows faster…and faster…and stops
We’re fighting again
The warm just died and the cold overcame us
We keep promising we won’t continue on with this
So when will it be over?
Tell me
Tell me!
This love shines as if it has been bathed in sparkles since the birth of our earth
Maybe it has
Maybe that’s why the legend of soul mates has become so world known
Or is it truly a legend?
*Sigh*
Feel that? The wind is howling louder
The breeze comes quicker
It knocks us off our ground
We realize we need to calm
See that?
The ocean
The waves start breaking later
Suddenly, you can see the land beyond our eyes
The sand is still
We’ve worked through yet another dilemma
See, I told you we would make it through again
We just need to keep the strength
Our fortitude must keep durable
Love is never easy to feel
So let’s not lose it now that we possess it
Keep walking and growing
And I’ll do the same
Better yet, I’ll run
I love you
I do
And we know we can’t go on like this
We can’t fight, make up, fight, make up
We can’t say the harshest of the harsh and then expect to be alright again
You can’t tell me you want me out of your life and then expect me to come back again
I will. Because I love you.
And guess what you can’t do either
You can’t tell me I’m a screw up and expect me to still base my life all on you
Life isn’t easy. And words aren’t always pretty.
“Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
So untrue.
Words have hurt me more than any external bruise or injury
The worst injury I have faced wasn’t losing my knee caps to my thighs or breaking a tendon
It was listening and taking in what you continuously said to me
To hurt me
Because I guess I hurt you
And if you still feel that I hurt you
I’m sorry
I just love you so much
Okay
You’re always going to be my sunshine. An amazing friend for life.
So I hope anyways
And if it doesn’t turn out like that, then there must be some reason
But I’ll be so hurt, breathing will be almost impossible
Because that time has come before me many times
But not for all times yet
Thank God
Let’s not let it, okay
I love you. I swear I do.
I’ll never completely go away
And that’s a promise.
So take it as it is
And love me for always
Like I love you
Friends are hard to find, silly as it may seem
And now that I have found you
I’m finally seeing me.

Whenever you feel that you just can’t keep moving on
Just grab on to my love, I’ll carry you along
But you’re just so afraid to open up
Therefore I can’t get a hold of your heart
We need to stand up to this world, which wishes to keep us apart
Lay your fear aside, and hold on to me tight
Think about me when you’re down, I’ll wrap you in the night
I refuse to watch us keep yearning to be free
They just need to understand
How big a part of me you are
They need to see the pain I hold, of you being so far
I wish they could all just see, how much you’ve brought me through
They just don’t want to hear, how much I love you
My daddy’s scared that I’ve found someone else
I can clearly see on why
Because I found you to confide in, run to someone other then himself
I can see how they want to protect me
But I also need my privacy
Sometimes all I want to do is make sure you’re alright
But I can’t do that if they take you away from me
So I sometimes cry at night
When someone means so much to you
You refuse to let them go
That’s why I will fight for you
Because what shelters me is the love we’ve come to know
I always wonder how we came to be
Then I think of all you’ve done and said
And I realize you were sent to save me
Because before you I was lost in thoughts
Some pretty, some of shame
Then you stepped into the light and gave my world great fame
Without you I don’t know where I would be, but it wouldn’t be somewhere good
I’d most likely still be on sunken ground
Still be totally misunderstood
But I think of you and how you want the better way for me
And I keep striving for beyond the stars, hoping that you can see me
You’re one of those special treasures, that rarely comes to life
So I’ll cherish you forever
For good times, I strive
You always linger inside of me
A more dominant feeling could never exist
I just can’t wait to hold you
Our experiences…
I’ll always remember this
I’m so sorry that I lay all my problems on you
And you make them yours for no reason, when you don’t have to
You’re so perfect and I’m such a mess
I wish I could clean my act up
But when they act the way they do
You know how my insides erupt
When I prayed to my angels, I wished to find the one
The one who would save me from myself
So I no longer had to run
At first I only found strangers
And they turned their back to flee
But then I found my miracle
And you’ve never left me
God gives his blessings to those who deserve
So I don’t understand why I got you
But I just keep praying every night that we’ll find a way that’s true
You’re some kind of miracle; your presence in me won’t ever go away
So do me a favor and look in the mirror
And smile for me today
You’re beautiful, you’re meaningful, never change your smile
Guess what, Babe, you’re stuck with me
I’ll be here for a while
So if by any awful chance
You for some reason don’t hear from me
Remember that my heart’s always there
Even if I can’t be

There is a cavity that rests between my back and chest
This cavity is filled with organs necessary for life
These tissues keep my body alive, but my soul is dead
Without touch, I am cold and exhausted and lifeless
These life-machines work together to maintain being
But that is all they are; mere life-machines
Loneliness drains feeling away from this cavity
The occupied void feels vacant and alone
Yet the incessant movement of the machines
Constant change within the hole keeps me alive
But without contact I reek of death and decay
I wait patiently for the breath of life and love
Then I know my chest will be more than mechanic
I will experience the warmth and breadth I desire
And then the scent of carrion will subside

A giant lump in my throat forces my voice to waver
News of death, deception, and tests of life and love
I once heard that bad things came in only threes
But it seems as though these threes have a power
The weather mirrors the depression and angst felt
I cannot imagine the next trial or tribulation
My aching, tired body longs for warmth and touch
A satisfaction that a friendship cannot deliver
Obligation forces you away, but wrongfully
Breath was taken from your lips too soon
My mind is numb from cramming knowledge
My temper is sparked by pretentious fools
My thoughts no longer linear, but jumbled
Racing from pain to anxiety to exhaustion
Where do I settle, where do I stand up for me?