You might be a redneck if…
*You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
*Your belt buckle is bigger than your head.
*You think paprika is a third-world country.
*You refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year".
*Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.
*Your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.
*Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.
*Bikers back down from your mama
*Your bicycle has a gun rack.
*After removing the empty beer cans from your car you find you get fifteen more miles to the gallon.
*Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road"
*You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
*You actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
*Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening at the oil shop.
*The neighbors have ever asked to borrow the light bulb.
*Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
*Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
*You hold a frog and it worries about getting warts.
*You have to take the entire day off to get your teeth cleaned.
*You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
*You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
*Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
*You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
*You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
*You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
*You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
*Your nicest towels say, "Motel 6".
*The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
*You've been too drunk to fish.
*You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
*You ever used a weed-eater indoors.
*You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
*You go to the family reunion to pick up on women.
*You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
*Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
*Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
*You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
*Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
*You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer bottle in the car.
*Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
*You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
*When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
*You have a house that is mobile and 13 cars that aren’t
*Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
*Your huntin' dog cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
*You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the water-bed.
*It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
*You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
*Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
*Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
*You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
*You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
*You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
*Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
*You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
*You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
*The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
*You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
*You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
*You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
*Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
*You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
*You think there's nothing wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
*You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
*You can't get married to your sweetheart ‘cause there is a law against it.
*The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
*You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
*You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
*You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
*You believe that beef jerky and beer are two of the major food groups.
*You let your thirteen-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
*You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your friends that don't drink.
*You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
*You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating alot of beans for dinner.
Add/View Comments (2)
